thought i wont be posting on this blog since the last post. but who knows the future? I don't. Had been quite a torturous few weeks for me..unable to find a job n at the same time going through the consequences of it, had left me thinking why did i not do well in my a levels. n why did i not do well in my uni modules. why cldn't i manage my studies in year 1 well. why. i dunoe. all these stuff that had been bottling up inside me and i dunoe who to pour them to. i felt as if i had went back to my shell, unable to talk to anyone that freely unlike in jc, where i wld still be able to talk to a few frens..now..being quite sure only one fren will be able to see this post, yeah u are one of those frens back in jc. now, not dat i cant talk to u..juz that i dunoe how to approach this topic. dunoe wat to say. dunoe wat to tell. dunoe wat to expect. just like, i would love to tell my dad that i very much want to find a job, get a job and start on a job. to earn some money to pay off the bills n debts. to give both dad n mum a better life. to buy something for my sis n brother. to have something everyone will be proud of. i have so much i wanna do after landing a job. i want to be able to focus both on job/career and handball which is something i like and has been able to excel in my own standards ever since sec sch, not that i was very excellent in anything at all. But being a good hball keeper in my own standards, is what i was quite proud of. I dunoe. seriously. now being stuck at home doing household chores - not that i mind or like it. but i wld appreciate pple or at least one to be appreciated or glad of wat I had done. a Thank you wld be good enough if there's no praise. and no endless scoldings and naggings. i'm not exactly injury-free not that many knows. I cant go squat or kneel down for long periods of time. I cant really kneel down n sweep the floor for long periods too. i dunoe. i juz feel so irritated. that no one understand me. no one totally know me well at all. I dunoe. I want pple to understand n know me well; yet when anyone ask whether there's anything wrong, i will juz cover it up. i dunoe. One day, if u do find me gone, maybe u'll know why.